My little girl. My hilarious little nudist. She has so many emotions. Like this one:
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| I won't let her lick raw chicken |
My sweet, smart, silly, random, hot mess who fell asleep tonight on Ruby Sue's giant teddy...buck naked...with a bottle of Parmesan cheese. I'm not kidding. I can't make this stuff up.
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| Sis loves her some parm cheese |
She scares us to death.
I worry about her non-stop. I worried about her when I was pregnant, as a newborn, and now and forever. All the normal Mom worries, but times 100. Because I'm not a normal Mom, I'm an "a word" Mom. I worry about right now, tomorrow, and kindergarten, and adulthood. Even when I'm sleeping - its with one eye open. If I could function on no sleep and it were healthy for my marriage, she would sleep in the middle of us, in our bed from now until I die. This job is from wake-up til bedtime. If she decides to sleep, that is. There is never a moment "off." It's non-stop.
Oh, yah. It's because of that whole safety thing.
I can't possibly get anyone to grasp the importance of what happened today without some background info. Stay with me. Or don't and stop reading now. Whatever. It's going to be a long one.
This thing is 100% therapy for me. And it's cheaper than real therapy, so for now - writing stuff down just helps. If no one reads, it's totally fine.
<<disclaimer:>> we're good parents. We watch our child the best we can. Despite all the due diligence in the world - my sweet little girl is fast. and sneaky. and fearless. and too smart for her own good. She's also easily distracted and a bit of a wanderlust.
In warm weather months, my house is cat nip for neighborhood kids. I have a cute little toddler and a big puppy, and the neighbor kids seem to flock over to my house. I love it. Dirty feet and popsicle sticky and laughter bouncing off the interior walls - its pure joy and childhood innocence and I love it! The neighbor kids are always welcome at my home. If they're at my house I know they're safe and fed. And it's good for Elsie. I love it. I love our neighborhood.
One early summer Saturday afternoon, I went out to run errands. Ben put Elsie down for a nap. All is quiet in the Wood house and Ben takes the opportunity to go potty alone. When he comes out, the house is still quiet. He doesn't dare go upstairs and risk waking the cracken. (A nickname coined by her Uncle Matt when she was little. Ha!)
Sometime later, two neighborhood girls knock on our patio door. One holding the collar of a giant, strong Saint Bernard puppy. The other holding Elsie's hand. "Ummm....did you know Elsie and Ruby were outside??" A few houses over, playing in a neighbor's front yard about 400 yards away. Alone. "NO!! I thought she was taking a nap!! THANK YOU!!!"
Our fast, sneaky, too smart for her own good little girl figured out how to open the back door. At the time, it was secured by a handle latch and a safety bar that stretches across the middle of the door, keeping it from opening. She pulled up a chair, climbed up to open the bar, flipped the latch, went outside, and shut the door behind her. !!!!!!!!!!
Thank God. Thank God for those little girls, whose Dad happens to work at the same company as Ben, and our enormous puppy. Elsie and Ruby knew those girls. Thank God. What would of happened if they didn't? A million awful what-ifs that didn't happen. Thank God for those girls.
Thank God for our enormous puppy. Though she was just a baby, those guarding instincts kicked in and she followed Elsie and stayed with her. She'd much rather run laps around the neighborhood. She didn't. All the Saint Bernard messes - potty training and muddy paw prints and hair and drool - they're worth it and then some. There is no doubt in my mind Ruby Sue quite possibly saved my daughter's life. After all the HOLY COW wore off, we laughed about it and moved on.
Then, its 4th of July. We join our neighbors for a fire pit in their back yard (which borders ours). The adults are sitting around a fire and the kids are on a play set maybe 200 feet away. We're watching Elsie, then I don't see her. I yell "where's Elsie?"
<edit: I originally said 200 yards, I meant 200 FEET!! I'd never let her play that far away....late night math ;) >
"She's running through that front yard!" Ben sprints in her direction. By the time he catches up with her, she's run through a backyard, a front yard, ACROSS THE STREET, and into another yard. She saw something shiny and bolted. The across-the-street neighbors have a fire pit in their yard with a large group of people. One of the home-owners happens to be a cop. nice.
We decide we should take some extra safety precautions. Meaning, we put safety handles on all of our doors and move on. We watch her like a hawk. But, she's so fast. and sneaky. and too smart for her own good.
Fast forward to Labor Day. My Dad's in town. I'm feeling brave. While the boys are fishing, I decide to go shopping. I only intended to hit up half off day at Goodwill for crafty treasures, but I somehow made it to Nordstrom Rack instead. I saw the sale sign. The entire trip is worthy of it's own post. It's full of distractions and re-direction, sadness and tears and tantrums and one over-the-top meltdown. Elsie is on a level 100 meltdown. It's a Mommy's lying on top of her restraining her in the back of the shoe department while we're both crying (AGAIN) type of shopping trip. She calms down and I get up. I blink. She's GONE. My fast, sneaky, too smart for her own good little girl had enough and she bolted. QUICKLY. and hid. "A word" kids like to hide when they're overwhelmed. I look. and look. and look. She's nowhere. A big department store on a busy street and she's gone.
For the first and only time in my entire life, I heard the voice of God. He told me what to do and I listened. It was a pretty life changing event, actually. I found her. Finally. I have no idea how much time has passed, but it's too much. The most terrifying moments of my entire life. ever.
At this point, we're thinking there's more to the story than a few scary incidents. We'll figure out something later. We've not had a chance to talk about it, really. For that day, Ben calms me down and we spend the rest of the evening enjoying time with my Dad....til that night.
Elsie's had night terrors for as long as I can remember. She had one two nights ago. They're awful. She wakes up terrified, screaming, crying, and she's just "not there."
That same night, Labor Day, Ben jumped out of bed and flew downstairs. The man sleeps hard - he can sleep with Elsie screaming in his face and jumping on him. That night he heard her. Downstairs. Trying to break off the safety handles to open the door to the garage to LEAVE OUR HOUSE. In the middle of the night. She's sleepwalking. Oh, nice. That's new.
Yet again, in the same day - there's no way to describe it other than God kept our baby safe. AGAIN.
I had stayed up late that night and before going to bed, I decided to double check the house. The big garage door was open. OPEN! As in, if you're in my garage there's no barrier between you and the street. Not even a month before, we had put on safety handles. What if we hadn't put on the handles? What if I hadn't double checked the house? What if she'd gotten out? In the middle of the night? What if she'd gotten in the neighbor's pond? Or walked to the city park? Through the woods? A million what-ifs that thankfully didn't happen.
We're terrified. My Dad is concerned. So is my Mom, half a country away.
The next day my Dad took me to the hardware store for third or fourth locks, for all our doors. Locks we can install high that she can't reach. For now. Then, he helped Ben install all of them and Elsie-proof our doors.
My Mom does a ton of research and sends me a link to a website about "a word" safety. We learn about autistic kids' propensity to wander (yep! that's our kid!). A lot of scary things can and have happened to many autistic children who have wandered off or bolted, or saw a shiny object and disappeared. Despite all the due diligence in the world, these kids are quick and smart. We learn some things we can do to help her stay safe. This is serious. We're terrified. Wandering, sleepwalking, night terrors...just what we needed, right?
As recommended, we called the police department and talked to them about our little girl. Then, we put this flier in the mailboxes of half our neighborhood. Any home whose yard or street borders ours....they got this flier.
Y'all, please let me tell you how hard that was. We had to ask half our neighborhood for help. We had to. I was terrified. What if they think we're terrible parents? What if they judge us? or her? What is this comes back to haunt her in middle school? The humility of having to ask half your neighborhood for help is a real kick in the gut. We had to do it.
Also, on the to-do list: door alarms, a privacy fence, a GPS bracelet, etc, etc...It's all on the list. Little by little we're getting it done but autism is f'ing expensive and we're doing it one thing at a time.
We, I, also want to take her on a field trip to the police station. I'm probably going crazy over the top but I don't want to be in a what-if situation. ever. I want them to have current photos, contact info, fingerprints, and DNA samples. just in case. IF she ever goes missing, I want them to go out and look ASAP. I don't want to waste time with paperwork. What if. The "what ifs" keeps me up at night.
***finally** enough background info for the real reason for this post. VICTORY!!!!
People in our neighborhood drive way too fast. With everything our family is going through, nothing we can possibly do is enough. When it comes to the safety of our child, our special needs child, nothing is ever enough.
for-e-verrrr ago Ben contacted the city about getting signs for our neighborhood bc people drive like jerks. way too fast. We can't enjoy our front yard. What if she escapes without us noticing? Glaring lights and a honking horn can't escape Elsie from her world. People need to slow down.
Dozens of calls and emails, and we can't seem to get a response. My husband, the best Dad in the Universe, is not letting this go. He took it all the way to the Mayor. He's persistent, and probably a little annoying. We want a sign. We need a sign. They agree, but they're all blah blah I don't know when, city budgets, blah blah, you may have to pay for it blah. My in-laws generously agreed to pay for them. Anything to help keep our princess safe. We told the city we didn't care what we had to do. Anything. Then never heard anything else about it.
Months later, today, on the way home, it was there! Random surprise! Woooo HOOOOO!! Wood fam for the win!!!
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| BOOM!!!! That's our house! |
Small victories. Whatever it takes. There are two, one by our house and one a few houses down. YAY DADDY!!! Y'all, he's done everything from petitioning for road signs, to emailing our congresspeople about funding for Autism treatment and research. He is simply amazing. These signs certainly won't solve all Wood family safety issues, but it's a drop in the bucket for our peace of mind and we're ecstatic. YAY DADDY!
I've written a novel, and if you're still with me...can I ask a favor? Will you PLEASE say some prayers for us?
If you don't need to know why, then just do it. If you're curious, click here: A Little Help From My Friends
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